The day my life changed forever

September 29, 2014 is the day my entire life changed. It was around 2pm on a Monday while I was on vacation. Since I am in my twenties, I never even had a thought about cancer. Cancer is for old people and for unhealthy people, I was neither. But I received a very rude awakening when my doctor finally uttered "the biopsy results came back and your lump is malignant.

I had breast cancer. Cancer had a face now, and it was me!

This past year has been a roller coaster of emotion. I've undergone two surgeries (soon to be three), IVF, and 16 chemotherapy treatments. I did this all while having a toddler at home, working, and still going to classes to pursue my MBA. Thankfully though, I had an army working for and with me. My doctors have been nothing short of fantastic and I am grateful to have doctors who did not brush me off because of my age. My family, near and far, supported and encouraged me through my entire treatment. And my husband and son were there through everything and helped me laugh through it all. I couldn't have made it through without all of their help. Also, my coworkers who supported me and brought some great meals, and even better desserts!

So to celebrate my one year survivorship anniversary my mom and I hit the road, to Washington, D.C. 

We attended the ACS CAN Lights of Hope event. They were urging Congress to increase financial support for cancer research. There was so much passion and drive with this group and it was great to celebrate my one year anniversary with them. It wasn't ideal weather, actually it was horrible weather!the rain did not stop us though! We heard from two big advocates for cancer research, Marcia Cross and Chris Draft (retired NFL player). We also got to hear from a ACS CAN Ambassador who is a cancer survivor (at age 13) who is now pursuing her PhD in biology so she can continue cancer research at Johns Hopkins. Her message really stood out to me, you're never truly done with cancer. You can never go back to the way things were "before cancer", that life is gone and you have to try and find your "new normal". I am still trying to find my new normal and it isn't easy.

It may sound crazy, but cancer has changed my life quite a bit, but mostly for the better. I am a better person now than the one who started this journey just a year ago. I have also been blessed with 13 breast friends who are all kick ass survivors! Meeting these women has been my biggest blessing on cancer, my silver lining. They understand what I have and am going through because they have faced the same obstacles. I talk to them daily and they are there to help me if I am having a hard day, but even better, they are there to celebrate the victories with me. Our victories may not always been huge, but sometimes making it through a day in one piece is an accomplishment and no ones understands better than them. I am forever grateful for their friendship, support, and encouragement.

Until next time...

AD

The day it all started

It was a Saturday like any other in the fall. Ohio State was playing Kent State that day. I was getting ready to shower when it happen, a sharp pain in my left breast. I thought maybe I had a bruise I didn't know about, that happens a lot. I looked in the mirror, but didn't see anything. So I started feeling around and there it was, a lump. I was instantly scared. I didn't know what to do, so I made Colin feel and he felt it too. My first reaction was "What do I do?". Rather sarcastically he said "Ya go to the doctor!". I was scared to go to the doctor. I knew a lump in your breast is usually not a good thing.

Since it was a Saturday, my doctor's office wasn't open, so I did the next best thing, emailed. I went on about my day and enjoyed the Buckeyes win... And it was a good one too, 66-0!

I can't believe it has already been a year since this all started. I've been through so much since that day last fall and I like to believe I'm a different person. Cancer hasn't defined me, but it has redefined me! I can't wait until there is a day where no one has to go through this!

Happy football Sunday everyone! Kolton and I are ready to cheer on our Browns this afternoon!

If I can share one piece of advice to any woman, it would be... Don't listen to the old wives tales about lumps. My family told me that if it hurt, that was a good sign, that it wasn't cancerous... That pain basically saved my life because it made me do a self exam!

Until next time...

AD

A little bit of nostalgia

Today was a big day at work, move-in for our first year class. This is always an exciting day because as Admission Counselors we get to go around campus and talk with all of the students we have helped since last summer/fall. Today is truly a day where I love my job. Sometimes being an admission counselor means long nights at college fairs, traveling endless miles in my car, listening to A LOT of books on CD, making lots of phone calls, and making connections. My favorite part of my job is making connections, not only with students, but their families as well. This past year has been rough to say the least. And through it all I have tried to keep a positive attitude and not let cancer deter me from doing my job. Though my role changed briefly during treatment, I still made those phone calls and tried to make as many connections as possible for each of my students. Now, more than ever, I realize how important those connections are.

It was a great day with my co-workers and really a day to celebrate! And boy did we!

We took freeze pops around to the residence halls so we could say "hi" to everyone. They were a HUGE hit, even with parents!

Then we had a great time welcoming all the new students at the Gate ceremony.

All in all, it was a great day. Even my Fit Bit says so...

I don't know if I can keep these numbers up though!

Until next time...

AD

It's about time

My life has been pretty hectic for the past few years, there's no denying that. Sometimes I forget how hectic it really was until I start to tell someone. Colin and I have been moving non-stop since we got married. From our wedding to a miscarriage to being pregnant with Kolton to buying a house to him finishing school to me starting graduate school to my diagnosis to surgery #1 to IVF to chemotherapy to surgery #2 - it's been crazy to say the least.

I wouldn't trade these past three years for anything, but it's been a lot to handle for two people in their early and mid twenties. We have been through the burning fires of hell and back. We made it out in one piece, even if that piece was exhausted and a little jagged around the edges. We made it out alive and more determined and stronger than ever. My marriage, love, and faith are stronger and more important now because of all the shit we've been through in three years. That's for sure.

This week we are taking our first vacation ever together. One week without our son and the distractions of everyday life at home. It's beautiful. Even though we feel bad for leaving Kolton at home, we know he's been well taken care of with family. This time away gives us time to really enjoy each other and finally have some fun after the hell which has been our life for the past 10 months.

The last time I was at the beach, I received the call I was dreading from my doctor telling me I had breast cancer at 26. This time around, I am celebrating being almost done with this life altering journey.

So here's to a relaxing vacation and kicking cancer's ass!

AD

Another day in paradise

Well, I can tell you it wasn't exactly paradise, but it was another day in the doctor's office.

Another fill. Thankfully this one wasn't as painful as the others, but it still wasn't pleasant. 50cc in each breast is still a lot of saline, especially when the purpose is to stretch the muscle to make room for permanent implants. It's excruciating. Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing this to myself? Why did I go through with the reconstruction? Then I remember, I'm only 26. This may sound naive, but breasts are a big part of what makes us feminine.

I'm over having these expanders. I'm done with the fills (not really though). I'm done with this whole process. I'm ready to be done. I'm sure this is not an uncommon feeling and I'm lucky that I am through with the majority of things, but it's still hard.

I'm just taking it all one day at a time. Hopefully it will all be over soon.

AD

A look back

Apparently the 27th is meant to be an important day to me.
     - April 27th - Last day of chemo
     - May 27th - Double mastectomy
     - August 27th - My birthday

Today marks 3 months since the end of chemo, 2 months since my 2nd surgery, and 1 month until my 27th birthday.

So much has changed in the 3 months since I had my last chemo treatment. The biggest change is that I HAVE HAIR  and no boobs! My hair is coming back with some rage too. And it can't really decide what color it wants to be. Gray, silver, white, blond, black? How about all of the above. While I am excited to see how my hair is going to return, I am starting to miss the days of baldness... Weird, I know, but let me tell you the wonders of being bald. Men have figured this out ages ago and us women (at least those going through chemo) should relish in the simplicity of it all.

I mean seriously, look at how much hair I have!

So let's start with the benefits of being bald:

1. 5 minute showers. LITERALLY 5 minutes. The glory of having all of your hair fall out is that I didn't have to shave (hallelujah), so that shaved (ha ha, get it?) off at least 5-10 minutes of shower time.

2. No fuss hair styling. No hair, no worries about having a bad hair day! Now I know not everyone has a round head and likes to show off their baldness, but it was the most empowering and refreshing part of losing all of my hair. It's just hair. It has no meaning to who I am as a person or what anyone thinks of me. I wore my baldness proudly at work, at home, at treatment,at yoga, and at the store (when I was allowed out of the house). I wore my baldness as a badge of honor. A symbol of just how strong I was/am.

3. A new understanding of beauty. Losing all of my hair really put things into perspective for me. I was never one to focus much on vanity, but when you are losing something that is truly a piece of you, a reflection of how you see yourself, it's hard. I'm not going to lie and say that losing my hair was easy, it was difficult and emotional. I cried in the shower when it started coming out in clumps as I was washing my hair. And I cried when Katy took the clippers to it and shaved off what I had left. But ya know what? I was surviving. And that was more beautiful than any amount of hair and makeup.

Now I know that's only 3 reasons, but they are powerful ones. Especially that 5 minute shower!!!

Also, last week I finally got a drawing for my tattoo. My motto this entire year has been "Fight like a girl" and I wanted to keep that with me for, well, the rest of my life. So I had a talented recent grad (who I miss working in our office) to sketch something for me. She is amazingly talented and I absolutely love what she came up with. So here it is...

I love how she incorporated so many "hidden" ribbons throughout! Thank you Emily for such an amazing job!

Until next time...

AD

Three months out

Next week marks three months since I finished chemo and two months since my double mastectomy. Wow.

Back in December when I started treatments, it felt like April was light years away. And now it's in my rear view mirror. It took so much to get through all those treatments and then this surgery, but I'm positive I came out a better person. No one should have to go through everything I did, but I also know that there are people who have it worse than I did. Yes losing your hair sucks, but I lived. Being nauseous constantly and not wanting to eat or drink because of the awful metallic taste in your mouth sucked, but it passed. And yes, getting stuck all over both arms to get my treatments was terrible, but I didn't have to get a port. I came out of all of this a more caring, passionate, reassured, calm, and understanding person.

I was reminded of all this late last night when I connected, on all places, Facebook with a young mother who is a breast cancer survivor. She too had a toddler while going through treatments and came out on top. Her story resonated with me, so I did what anyone would do to a total stranger, sent her a friend request. Shanna, thank you for not thinking I was a total creep/weirdo for sending you that friend request and message. Thank you for chatting with me from states away. Thank you for sharing with me and reminding me that I don't have to be alone in all of this; that there are other young women who are facing/faced the same struggles and battles I have. But mostly, thank you for connecting me with so many of these beautiful and strong women.

I know I've said this probably 50 times by now, but it's worth saying again. This isn't a club I ever wished to join, but it's great to know there are others who know my struggles and battles. This is a special club made of the most beautiful, strong, and brave women I will ever know and I am glad to be in their company.

Cancer sucks if your 26, 46, or 86. There is no getting around that. I am a huge sports nut and this past weekend was Stuart Scott's 50th birthday, so in honor of someone who faced much harder battles than I have...

"You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live."

Until next time...

AD