Not so lucky

The day of my surgery all I did was sleep, it was kind of nice. The part was that I couldn't do anything with my son. He's one ya see and thinks people are jungle gyms, which would not have been good with fresh wounds that had been sewn shut that morning! So bed it was for me, luckily it was close to the bathroom if I needed it. I was off for two weeks post-surgery and it was nice to be able to rest and recover. I watched a lot of movies and caught up on some TV shows. I'm really into How to Get Away with Murder now!

So a week and a half goes by and I go in for my check up with the surgeon. Thankfully I really like the doctor's office or I would have been worn out by now. I check in with her and everything looked good healing wise, but there was some bad-ish news - it was another hurry up and wait game with another test. This test was going to determine whether or not I would need to go through chemotherapy. This test gives numbered results from 0-50. If I were to score 0-18 I would be considered "low risk" for recurrence and chemo would give limited benefits. When I heard this, I hoped and prayed for a "failing" score, which I don't think I have ever done in my life!

She projected that my results would be in the following Tuesday. Well Tuesday came and went with no phone call from the surgeon, so I tried to forget about it hoping it was a good sign. Nope. The call came the next day with some not so great news. 25. That was my score. A freaking 25. Another "gray area" result in this process. Great.

So this meant that I had to do the one thing I was really trying to avoid if I could, chemotherapy. As soon as she told me what that score meant, I hung up the phone and bawled. That was the first time I really cried about the cancer, about what I would have to go through, about what my family will have to endure. It was awful and terrifying all wrapped in the unknown. I couldn't contain the tears, they just kept coming. For two days I didn't want to do anything but cry. Not only do I have to go through chemo, but I have to do it through the holidays, what a great present that's going to be.

Now I was just hoping my appointment with the medical oncologist the next day was going to be some good news. That I get to do the "easier" chemo and maybe it'll only be a pill and maybe I won't lose my hair or maybe I won't have to really do it. NOPE, not my luck, but that's for another post and another time.

It's a good thing I like the color pink, because I think everything I own will soon be pink.

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