It's not over

This weekend we were kid free. It was strange. The house was quiet (even with 2 dogs and 1 kitten). Colin and I decided that we would actually go out and do something, so we went out for drinks on Friday and then to dinner Saturday with friends. What's funny, is this is the most interaction we've had in a long time. The after effects of cancer are still with us daily. Nowadays we are more like roommates than husband and wife and that's sad, but it's our reality. We're 27 and 25 and dealing with what most couples deal with two times our age.

After talking, I realized that it's hard on him too. People ask how I am doing or how Kolton is, but no one ever really asks how he's handling things. Menopause sucks for me with the hot flashes and mood swings, but he has to deal with all of the other side effects... and let's just say it's no fun for him. Thankfully he doesn't get mad at me or frustrated, but I always feel bad that we're so young and dealing with these issues.

My treatment plan is for five years. FIVE YEARS! Now don't get me wrong, I am beyond thankful that this treatment exists because it is lowering my chance of a recurrence by more than 50%. But I just want people to know that just because I am done with chemo and surgeries, cancer isn't affecting me anymore, because it is. It's a daily struggle with the hot flashes, not being able to sleep well, having exactly zero sex drive (at 27 that's rough), dealing with the daily excruciating pain in my body, having 20 or more bruises on my body for no apparent reason, taking numerous pills daily, getting a horrible shot monthly, etc. Now I am not complaining because, hey at least I'm still here, and that's what's important. It's just frustrating after fighting for so long and so hard that all of these side effects are still here and not going away any time soon.