I'm thankful... crazy, right?

I have been thinking these past few days after talking at work. I may not say this enough, and people probably think I'm crazy, but I can honestly say that I am very thankful. Although my situation isn't ideal, I have so many things to be thankful for right now. Yesterday morning I went to my first yoga class. The main point I took from this class was that this world is full of hatred and bad things, but we need to remember that there is good too. And we can be that good we wish to see in the world. As I left class, I felt happy and relaxed and reflected quite a bit yesterday afternoon.

I am thankful first and foremost for my husband and son. Without them I don't think I would have the outlook on my diagnosis that I have and they make me want to fight even harder because I have them with me in my corner. I'm thankful that Kolton is so young and doesn't understand what I am going through and that he likes my bald head :-). I'm also thankful for my families. It's always great knowing that I have so much support behind me from all sides of my family. I'm also thankful for the fact that I caught this early and it could have been much, much worse. Lastly, I am thankful for my friends and colleagues for their encouragement throughout this ordeal.

The past few weeks so many people have commented that they love my outlook and attitude. I always find that to be a strange compliment, I feel that I do not have a choice. If I was angry, upset, or anything other than positive that my cancer would eat me alive. I'm not usually an optimist, but my cancer diagnosis made me realize that life is just too damn short to not be happy. I obviously wouldn't choose to have breast cancer, but I do. And there is nothing I can do about it. So I might as well accept that fact and stop trying to figure out why.

When I was first diagnosed, I was angry. The first thoughts that went through my head were: I'm pissed, why me, I'm going to fight like hell, and this is complete and utter bullshit. I quickly realized that if I continued down that thought path I would be absolutely miserable for such a long time. I can't change or control my diagnosis, but I can control my outlook and attitude on the whole situation.

No one should have to go through this, but there are worse things in the world. I am not defined by cancer, it's just a part of who I am now.

Hard week

So it's been a little while since I've filled you all in on my life. Not like it's exciting or anything, but ya know, you probably are drooling to find out what's been happening. HA

I am over half way done with my first round of chemo. So that's exciting. One more treatment of this cocktail and then I go into round 2. Round 2 is only one drug and not a cocktail like I'm on right now. So I can't wait. Unfortunately though, round 2 is once a week for 12 WEEKS!

While I've celebrated this week, for more than one reason. It's been a hard week on my body. So I've already told you why I was first celebrating, but the second reason is that my Buckeyes won the first College Football Playoff National Championship! That made for an interesting Monday night, since I had treatment and class on top of watching the game.

This week started out rough, I forgot to order my medication so I started my treatment off on the wrong foot. And my shot affected me more so than usual this time around, so I slept most of Tuesday away. The worst part of treatment is the body aches from my shot and the metallic taste that makes food and even water taste bad! It makes it so I don't want to eat anything because nothing tastes good :-(.

Thankfully I'm finally starting to feel better, and I'm blaming coffee!

Another haircut

So happy 2015!

My New Year wasn't very exciting, I didn't even make it until midnight. I figured the world would be the same at 9:00PM when I went to bed as 7:00AM when I woke up. Does that make me old? Does the fact that I've went to bed before midnight the past two New Year's Eve's make me really old!?

That's ok. I've already come to terms with that fact!

So besides not staying awake until midnight, my new year has been pretty laid back. Ya know, except for the fact that I got the flu. After two weeks of vacation from work, I would be the one to get sick two days before going back. Two days of not getting out of bed, fun stuff! And to top it all off, I started losing the little hair I had left... I rocked to buzzed looked, but didn't know how I felt about being completely bald yet.

It was bad...

Who would want to walk around with hair like this? Certainly not me. So I did something that I never thought I would do in my lifetime. I gave my husband permission to shave my head. He was way too happy when I told him this. It was a strange feeling. I had already lost the majority of my hair when it was buzzed, but I was still sad. Now ALL of my hair was gone. I cried because I don't think I let myself cry enough before. Now, I know it's only hair, but you just don't understand until you go through this.

But I think I look pretty good bald. Although my head needs a serious tan!

Tomorrow is another treatment, so I'm sure I'll have plenty more to share. Also, it's the National Championship Game for OSU! Too bad I won't be able to stay up and watch.

I leave you with this quote from Stuart Scott, who recently past away after battling cancer for seven years. He is an inspiration after seeing what all he did during his chemo treatments. I only hope I am that strong!