I'm thankful... crazy, right?

I have been thinking these past few days after talking at work. I may not say this enough, and people probably think I'm crazy, but I can honestly say that I am very thankful. Although my situation isn't ideal, I have so many things to be thankful for right now. Yesterday morning I went to my first yoga class. The main point I took from this class was that this world is full of hatred and bad things, but we need to remember that there is good too. And we can be that good we wish to see in the world. As I left class, I felt happy and relaxed and reflected quite a bit yesterday afternoon.

I am thankful first and foremost for my husband and son. Without them I don't think I would have the outlook on my diagnosis that I have and they make me want to fight even harder because I have them with me in my corner. I'm thankful that Kolton is so young and doesn't understand what I am going through and that he likes my bald head :-). I'm also thankful for my families. It's always great knowing that I have so much support behind me from all sides of my family. I'm also thankful for the fact that I caught this early and it could have been much, much worse. Lastly, I am thankful for my friends and colleagues for their encouragement throughout this ordeal.

The past few weeks so many people have commented that they love my outlook and attitude. I always find that to be a strange compliment, I feel that I do not have a choice. If I was angry, upset, or anything other than positive that my cancer would eat me alive. I'm not usually an optimist, but my cancer diagnosis made me realize that life is just too damn short to not be happy. I obviously wouldn't choose to have breast cancer, but I do. And there is nothing I can do about it. So I might as well accept that fact and stop trying to figure out why.

When I was first diagnosed, I was angry. The first thoughts that went through my head were: I'm pissed, why me, I'm going to fight like hell, and this is complete and utter bullshit. I quickly realized that if I continued down that thought path I would be absolutely miserable for such a long time. I can't change or control my diagnosis, but I can control my outlook and attitude on the whole situation.

No one should have to go through this, but there are worse things in the world. I am not defined by cancer, it's just a part of who I am now.