Round 2, here we go.

4 down, 12 to go. Treatments that is.

I have a countdown going. April 27th cannot get here soon enough. That is THE last treatment of chemo and I cannot wait. Tomorrow I begin Round 2. I am excited/nervous. Round 1 was a cocktail of two drugs that were pretty harsh and the side affects were horrible. If you would have asked me a few months ago, "Alecia, what do you think are going to be the worst side affects of your chemo treatment?" I would have answered unknowingly, "Of course the nausea and hair loss!" Boy was I WRONG!

When you hear stories, watch movies, and think about chemo treatment you almost always hear about the hair loss and the nausea. Those seem to be the two side affects everyone talks about. Probably because they are the most kosher to discuss. But let me tell you something, they are probably the two easiest side affects to deal with. The ones that aren't so kosher to discuss, especially with strangers, are the worst ones. Like how for me, I don't want to eat after treatments because I feel like I am eating a tin can no matter what is in front of me. I have to force myself to drink water, even though it tastes like I'm drinking from an old rusty tin can. How diarrhea and constipation are two of the most common side affects and you could be on one or both sides of that fence. Discussing bowel movements isn't the most pleasant thing, even with your doctor. But these two have been the absolute WORST for me in the past two months. The nausea is bad, but they have medicine to help combat that and I was lucky enough to have a nicely shaped head, meaning I can rock the bald look. It's actually kind of nice, my showers are now only five minutes and I don't have to fuss over my hair not cooperating when styling in the morning. I was blessed with quite a bit of confidence and have come to love my bald head!

Tomorrow begins the journey of many unknowns again. At least with Round 1, I knew what to expect and was beginning to get used to how my body was reacting to treatment. The second week of each cycle was nice, especially since I felt "normal" again. Food tasted good, I enjoyed drinking water, and could function pretty well. Going in to weekly treatments, especially with a new drug, scares me. I don't know how I will react and I won't have that weekly cushion where I know I feel okay. A new drug brings out new side affects. How will I react? What will be the worst? These are questions that I would really love the answer to, but have to find out as I go.

This journey has been horrifying and I have learned quite a bit about myself along the way. Like the fact that it's okay to go to bed at 7PM if I'm tired. I shouldn't beat myself up because I'm tired. I should sleep when my body tells me it needs sleep, eat when it tells me I need food, and to relax when it tells me I've pushed myself too far. I've realized to listen to what my body is telling me, which is a hard concept to grasp sometimes. We don't always listen and that's how we make ourselves sick and spread ourselves too thin. That is one positive that has come from this cancerous journey. Stop every once in a while and listen to what your body is saying. Sometimes that's the best medicine.

I'll let you all know how tomorrow goes. Thank you so much for following along and reading my crazy and sometimes philosophical ideas. This blog has helped me cope with my diagnosis and treatment, so I thank you for letting me share my journey!

Until next time.

AD